Fear Factor

Ok, so I got a call last week that my name was being put in for a position that would have provided immediate employment, though short-term, and relieved a lot of the stress right now - I was to hear last night. Not so much! So the fear over what is happening rachets up another notch, and the unknown looms larger than before. I'm making an effort to find out what happened for sure. Perhaps someone just doesn't understand "time is of the essence" when applied to such a situation and my fears are groundless.

My lovely bride of 35 years had me read a friend's "911 Psalm" last night - which is an adaptation of Psalm 91 - Read it replacing "You" with me or us or appropriate pronouns and listen to the lesson of assurance. It was a powerful passage to read in this manner.

This is one of those times I try to remind myself of what I tell people about difficult situations - remember the poem "Footprints in the Sand," where when questioned about the single set of prints why God had left the struggling child alone, God replies, "But my child, those weren't times I left you alone, they were the times I carried you." But, as I well know, saying and doing are very different matters! I will try to look to my Master-example and rely on God's grace, but I know, I KNOW that matters of paying bills, having shelter and putting food on the table are going to weigh heavy on my mind until this is settled.

I keep trying to reassure my bride, but there is only so much reassurance that I can offer before I too am bereft of assurance to offer. Were I alone, I'd be lost, despondent and getting by on what I could - but I'm not, thank God!! This lovely, loving woman has made me what I am today - teaching me confidence, an ability to show my emotions, and that here with her is where I find my safe place, my resting place - my anger bleeds off in her presence, my hurt dissipates within her arms, my uncertainty seems to find resolution in our conversation!

And me? I'll continue to make my way through life, trying to ease the things that I can for my wife and others. I'll do my best to trust God's grace and walk humbly with my God. I pray that somehow I've been enough of a role model that others through my life and living have learned some of the same.

Peace!